I honestly cannot believe I am writing this post. I never thought this would happen. But here we are. It's come to my attention that when I'm doing well, which is most of the time now, I don't have much to blog about and that's not fair to all of you following my journey. So, this will be my last post on THIS blog. I have set up a new one for my life in recovery where you all can keep up with me. It will have more fun stories mixed in with the struggles when they happen. I know I could just keep this blog and do the same thing but that's not why I started this one and I want it to end here. The new url will be at the bottom of this overly long post, I promise.
There is so much I want to shove into this one post. So so much. I don't really know where to start. I guess I can start with how life is. It's really good! I'm so glad I am not in treatment and not starving. I'm having a really good time. I will admit that part of me really wishes I was sicker than I am. And sometimes I even trick myself into thinking it. I will admit that I don't love my body. But I'm not actively trying to change it either. Basically... I'm okay.
Now, my message to all of you that are struggling. You are incredible. People with eating disorders are honestly the most amazing people I have ever met and spoken to. Hearing your stories and helping you through struggles, having some tell me that my blog has shown them hope and made them feel less alone...I can't even put into words how much that means to me. I want you to know that you are never ever alone. That you can beat this. It is possible. It is hard and scary and you are going to cry and emotions are going to smack in the face. But in the end it is so so worth it. I promise you. Don't get sucked into other people's eating disorders. You need to focus on you. Stay strong for yourself. Once you have the strength to do that, then try and stay strong for others. It is just what has to be done.
To those of you that are reading that know people struggling, this message is for you. DONT GIVE UP ON THEM. EVER. We are stronger than we seem. And if you give up on us then we are going to give up on ourselves completely. Believe in them. Be there for them. Listen. Don't judge. Sometimes we just need an ear and maybe a hug. I've heard from so many that are scared for those they love and you often want to take drastic measures or you are done and want to walk away. There is a middle ground. Find it. It will be different for everyone. For me, having my parents as the food police was too far and made me angry but having my mom say she gives up and walk away destroyed my confidence. I needed structure but not from her. So, my treatment team has taken over a bit more. There is always a middle ground. Search for it. Ask the person. But whatever you do, don't walk away. ( on a side note: if you are a caregiver for someone... make sure to indulge in self care for you as well. We all need it.)
Lastly, a message for myself. Never forget what you have been through to get here. Countless hours spent exercising and body checking and obsessing. Hundreds of papers with calories written down. Three treatment stays in 3 different states. Tons of ER visits. Almost failing high school. Scaring everyone you care about. You did not get here overnight and if you go back... you may never get here again. Appreciate the moment. Celebrate the small successes. Allow yourself to have fun and live for once. You deserve it as much as anyone else does. Be honest with yourself. Learn to go outside your comfort zone, it is much more entertaining. Love with all your heart.
I cannot thank you all enough for following me on my journey. It is far from over though. I am so excited to have you guys go with me to the next chapter of my life! Starting today you can follow me at : rediscovering-aria.blogspot.com
This is SO exciting!!!