Day 17!! (I've been waiting for this one)

17. What does being fat TRULY mean to you?

Being fat is my biggest fear. Having things jiggle and not having pants fit right. It tells me that I've lost all control. That I can never be perfect. I let myself get bigger and bigger till buttons burst. My bones are non-existent. I should be able to handle myself better. I got lazy. I should have tried harder. Eaten less. Anything. Fat is evil. It shows how ugly I am on the inside. That my heart is no better than the rolls of fat on the outside. I could have done more. But instead I ate and gained weight. I don't deserve anything.

The Following is an excerpt from the book I'm writing (It fits here) :

Waking up is awful, moving is worse, getting ready is torture, looking in the mirror is killer. I sleep from 1:30 A.M. till 6:00 A.M., and it runs you down. But it is so so worth it. From 11:00 P.M.- 1:30 A.M. I exercise, no stopping, no short little breaks, no nothing. I don't deserve to stop, I went over my allowed calorie amount yesterday. All I could think about were the calories seeping into my body adding more fat to the abundance that was already on my body. I am sore from last night but I've learned to hide it well over the past six months or so. You just put on some loose fitting clothes and put a smile on your face, nobody's the wiser. Ok, just walk to the bathroom, you can do it. Better yet lunge your way to the bathroom, couldn't hurt to burn some calories. That's good cry and lunge seeing as you deserve to suffer. Do you want me to leave you and let you be fatter than you already are. Let everybody hate you and see how disgusting you are. No, I don't want that. I need to lose weight and be the skinniest person. 


Stay Strong
xo Aria