Watching Crumbling Spirits

The spirit has been shattered

By forces unknown

Broken and scarred

Left for dead with stories untold

It had so much potential

Before it drowned

Crushed by the pressures

Of the outside world



It is scary to see the life drain from someone. To watch someone lose all hope. To see their eyes go dead. I can tell the exact minute a person loses their light. When they lost the hope they once held so dear. Sometimes I can see it in myself. When smiles become more forced and lose all hope for accomplishment. Your face changes, your movements change, your actions change. The spirits in you are literally crumbling. It always kills me to watch that happen to someone else. But I didn't realize that people paid that much attention to me. Until tonight. Someone literally told me they saw all my spirit fading away and that it scared them. And I couldn't argue because they are right. Tehy have lost a lot of hope. And a lot of myself.  I know what I want to do after senior year, but I also know that I cannot do what I want. There goes that hope. Four people told me last week that no college would ever accept me, there goes that hope. And now  don't even know how my life will be when I get out of treatment, there goes any hope of living how I truly want. I have no spirit left. I am completely drained and just kind of want to cry but have nothing in me. What would I even be crying about? Mourning the loss of the life I envision? Seems like a waste of tears at this point. Just writing this paragraph makes me want to hug the person writing it...until I realize that it's me. Right now I am the person who's light has gone out. The person who needs someone to help lift them up but can't ask. My spirit has crumbled.

How do you let yourself be lifted up?

Stay Strong
xo Aria