Last night was homecoming. Between being uncomfortable with my body and being around someone else with an obvious eating disorder....it was rough. But I made the best of it. Food was quite honestly awful yesterday. Big lapse. But I accept responsibility for it happening. Either way it was my senior homecoming. And it was worth every ounce I had to put on to go.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sometimes You Just Need A Minute
This week has been so incredibly hard for me with food. I have been sick all week and it just makes everything worse. My anxiety had been anything but under control. And today I had to eat something that kinda terrifies me after a slip last night (see next post). However, today has been full of a lot of thinking. And this is what I came up with.
You don't eat so you can go to bed every night cursing recovery. You don't cry over food so you have a reason to never eat again. You don't grasp at numbers to allow yourself that one bite of something. You eat so that you can try and live without those things. Not just for the big things like school or sports but for the every day things you miss out on. Like watching tv in sweatpants with one of your best friends, laughing when you trip over yourself 30 times in a row, jumping into piles of leaves. You sit and cry over food so that you can do things without food. So that not every meal takes 2 hours. Recovery sucks and is hard and is uncomfortable as hell. But some moments are worth it.
How does being sick affect your mindset?
Stay Strong
xo Aria
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Maybe I Need...An Exorcism?
To end this newly found idea, someone asked me to write a letter to a *person* I hate and well I don't hate any actual people. But at the moment as much as I want to relapse, I also really hate my eating disorder and what I end up saying and doing to protect it. So, I guess here it goes:
Dear Ana,
You have taken everything from me. Weight, life, friends, fun, everything. I thought we were friends. But now you have turned into someone I never wanted to be. And I hate you for it. Yes, relapse looks nice but nobody is guaranteed to live through their next one and I don't want to die with you at my side.
Have you ever said awful things to people you really care about?
Stay Strong
xo Aria
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Something to Live For
I said I was gonna sing for you all, and I am. The Command Sisters (see facebook URL at bottom) wrote a beautiful song called "Something to Live For" and I am going to cover it for you.
Here we go.
How do you have to live for?
Stay Strong
xo Aria
https://www.facebook.com/TheCommandSisters?fref=ts