Wow. This last week has been a roller coaster...and I apologize for not posting sooner. I have been so immensely suicidal and I don't really know why. I don't want to go into details on my thoughts as they can be triggering and aren't really necessary for what I am going to say/ sing. This whole week I have been trying to hold onto everything that I could live for. And every time I just kept losing sight of them. No, I didn't end up in the ER, thank goodness but I do feel so numb and depressed and just awful. Anyway, the first thing I truly felt this week was pain and then pride. I totally ripped my hands on bars at practice and it hurt and still does but the only reason that happened is because I kept trying even though it hurt and I was scared. And normally I would have just given up. If I had to pick two emotions to feel I would pick those. I can live for those moments. I don't need to live for others or to accomplish some crazy goal or even for recovery. I need to live for moments of accomplishment and moments of defeat that make the former even better. So, yes I feel awful and kinda want to die. But I don't think it is my time just yet.
I said I was gonna sing for you all, and I am. The Command Sisters (see facebook URL at bottom) wrote a beautiful song called "Something to Live For" and I am going to cover it for you.
Here we go.
How do you have to live for?
Stay Strong
xo Aria
https://www.facebook.com/TheCommandSisters?fref=ts
No comments:
Post a Comment