Sooo Clothing

One of my longest held is beliefs is that I should buy clothes that fit and then lose weight till they fall off and then NEVER let them fit again. The problem is that, right now, my clothes fit. Sure, some things are a little big or fit differently. But the problem is them fitting in general. Putting on outfits is becoming increasingly difficult. Things fitting is like on of my biggest fears. I purposefully buy things so that I can feel better when they are draping. My wonderful therapist decided to remind me today that there is no going back. No back-up plan. I have to deal with this like a "normal" person. Meaning no losing the weight, no starving, no anything like that. Pushing through. Dealing with the anxiety without self-sabotaging. Ugh. Is it so bad that I want my clothes to be big? It makes me feel smaller and gave me the ability to gauge my weight since I no longer have a scale. I would like to say that as I am writing this I am having some massive realization that I sound ridiculous....but alas it is not so. I still feel so strange in my clothes and in my body. Almost like I am not connected to it. Or like I am not meant to be in it. I don't really know what that means. I guess it means that I still have major work to do. Which is okay. I just wish this was easier. My back-up plan apparently no longer exists according to my team. So, there is only so much I can do. Plus, having a fourth stay right now, sounds awful and it would mean no gymnastics. Boo! 

Any advice on this?

Stay Strong

xo Aria