Thursday is Rosh Hashanah or the Jewish New Year. As we prepare to enter year 5774, I am taking time to reflect on this past year. This time last year I was freshly out of treatment for the second time and starting junior year of high school. I didn't think I would recover and knew for sure I wouldn't keep my weight where it was. I didn't have much of a grasp on anything and personally I just wasn't that great of a person. I don't remember much of the early parts of 5773...probably because I couldn't think straight. Over this past year, I have learnt so much. I have been pushed further than I ever thought possible and I have pushed other people so far I worried they would leave me. I landed back in treatment, I almost died multiple times, I hurt myself, I fought getting better, I lost friends. But I also got out of treatment, lived, stopped self-harming, I had some truly happy moments, and learnt who my friends are.
The point of this post is more than to reflect on whether or not I wasted 5773 but rather to ask for forgiveness and give thanks. Let us start with the former. For those of you that I hurt or didn't help enough or made worry...I am completely and utterly sorry. I shouldn't have treated you the way I did, you deserve so much better. You are all such incredible people. For those I didn't help enough, I wish I could have. If I hadn't been so wrapped up in myself, I probably could've done more. I probably could have given the help you wanted from me. And for those I made worry. To you all, I am the sorriest of all. You shouldn't have had to worry about me. You still don't have too. I know I don't always take the greatest care of myself, but a large amount of you, have more important things to worry about than me. I am truly sorry for taking up space in your mind that I don't deserve. I hope all of you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Now I would also like to thank certain people or groups of people. To my treatment team, yes I do complain about you two a whole awful lot...but when it comes down to it, you haven't left my side and for that I thank you. You have been there through countless ups and downs and dealt with me and my ridiculousness on too many occasions. As I sit here typing, part of me is worried that soon you will give up and just fire me. Just know that even if you do, I am still eternally grateful to have you as my team. To my family, you will never read this as you don't have my URL but as much as I complain about you guys and we fight...I love each and every member. From mom and dad to my cousins. You each have a different relationship with me and I don't know what I do without all of your support. To Becca and Joe (and Kol and Jesse), not many people can claim they have two places to call home. But I can and that is so amazing. Over this year, you all have become family to me and I don't know if I would be the person I am today without that. I have learnt so much from you. Everything from how to be preppy (sometimes it IS necessary) to how to be a superhero (you do need a cape).You all have had every oppurtunity to give up on me and kick me out of your house and never have. Thank you. To my friends, there really isn't much to say that I haven't told you each in person. You made me appreciate things I never noticed, you shut up me up when I say how awful I look, you have gotten me through treatment stays, you have never left my side. And this year we will graduate together. I am so happy to have each of you in my life. I love you guys so so much.
So, yes 5773 was a long tumultuous year...but it was also an incredible and fun one. I am so excited to see what 5774 has to bring!
Stay Strong
xo Aria
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