I know the easy answer to that, I have an eating disorder. But I mean is my vision really that warped? I swear everyone is bigger than me. And it doesn't help being in a place 5 days a week where a lot of the people are legitimately smaller than I am. I don't even necessarily feel fat. I feel out of place in my body. Like I want to curl out of my skin. I don't feel right. I feel like I'm in someone else's body with all the fat and jiggling flesh. This body isn't mine. But it is. But it can't be. I feel so out of place in my own body. Like I no longer control it. I miss being smaller. I miss feeling slightly more at home in my body. I just wish it didn't feel so foreign. Like I'm a ghost inhabiting a body. I want to feel whole. Like a person. But I don't. And I don't know how long I can stand to feel like this. I'm going insane. My thoughts are scary and never ending. I want things to stop. I want to feel at peace. And I want to feel like a part of my body. I want to be skinny and frail. I want to look sick. I want to know who I am. Everyone says I'm pretty and thin but I don't see it. I don't even recognize the face in the mirror anymore.
Any advice?
Stay Strong
xo Aria
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