Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Tattling on Ed

Today was the first time I tattled on Ed. I had every intention of skipping lunch and easily could have done so. But something in my head just wouldn't let me get away with it. So, I did the best I could to let someone know that I needed to eat and that I needed their help to do so. I was afraid they would be mad since I told them that I had already eaten. But they weren't . They got up and got me the healthiest lunch I've had in weeks.Yes, I do feel guilty. Incredibly so. But in a way I am okay with it for now. Tattling feels so wrong and stupid. Like I shouldn't need to concern other people when it comes to food. The thing is though, what if I had passed out? I only eat a Luna Bar for breakfast. It''s totally a possibility. Not to mention that my heart felt funny earlier. So, I guess I made the right decision. The person may have lost some trust in me, but I lost some trust in ed. Win-lose situation. All moving me closer to recovery. One meal at a time.One bite at a time.

When I call this tattling on ed, some people ask me why I phrase as if ed is a child that has done me wrong. Well, that's basically what an ed is. It's a whiny little kid that throws fits when it loses out. SO, it should be treated like one. I will admit that tattling on your ed is never as satisfying as normal tattling is. But at least this way can get you somewhere. I've found recovery to be one step forward two steps back. Therefore, to be honest, I did attempt to purge after eating lunch. Nothing came up. I felt worse about that than I did eating. My head and heart still haven't calmed down. Tattling on ed today, might have been one of my better decisions. Ed is tricky. Watch out.

When did you last tattle on Ed? How did it make you feel?

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Wanting to recover

Anybody who really knows me knows that I'm terrified of recovery. I want it. But I'm terrified. The question was posed to me today, what does it mean to want recovery? Does it mean to eat everything and be perfect? No. Does it mean I want a perfect life? No. I want freedom. I go to therapy. I listen to what others have to say. I try to follow my meal plan. I do what I can sometimes. Other times I fall down and don't think I can get back up. But I do. Because I want recovery. I want life. Id imagine that right now you are thinking that you don't want recovery. Or if you do, that you don't know if you can make it. I don't know either. Maybe I won't. But I'd rather know I tried. I don't want to die knowing that I laid now and let this thing beat me up. I want to know I lived, if only for a little bit. I struggle a lot with wanting recovery. Some days it's 80% and most days it's closer to 20% but I know that of I fight I might make it to the other side. Hopefully it's worth it. What does wanting recovery mean to you?

Stay Strong
xo Aria


Sunday, February 24, 2013

Letter to My Body

In the spirit of NEDAwareness Week 2013, I have written a letter to my body. I invite all of you to write one also.

Dear Body,
 I'm sorry for starving you. I'm sorry for cutting and burning you. I'm sorry for trying to make you vomit. I am sorry for hating you. I am sorry for harming you. Trusting you is one of the hardest things for me to learn. I feel the need to control every aspect of you. But I can't. I've learned that. You're the only body I have to live in and eventually I will have to accept that. Until I can, I hate to say it but I will probably continue with the activities that I am sorry for. I hope one day that we work together without hatred. Thank you for carrying me through life so far.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Friday, February 22, 2013

Feeling Full

Feeling full is not something I'm comfortable with. I'm not just talking physical fullness but even emotional fullness. I simply cannot handle it. Eating till I'm full keeps me up for hours at night. Having too many emotions gives me urges to self harm. Fullness is a scary concept to me. As I'm writing this a question came into my head. Could this fear of being full translate into my not fully wanting recovery. Is it possible that if I have a full life I won't be able to handle it? I can honestly say I don't know. Right now I am physically full. And I can't sleep. Emotionally I'm drained and have no self harm urges. My life is ok but could be better and I make almost no effort to change it. I'm scared of being full.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Playing Dumb

We've all done at least once in our lifetimes. Pretending we don't understand a class or a concept. Acting like we don't have a clue about our surroundings. The problem is when the acting becomes too real and others believe it. I've played dumb for years. When people really get to know me they suddenly realize just how observant I am and how insightful I can be. However, most people assume I'm dumb as a Door knob. I started doing this in elementary school because everyone always told me how smart I was. So, when I didn't understand something I would get so upset and people kept asking how I couldn't understand it when I am so smart. It got really frustrating. The first time I failed a test was seventh grade, I cried for 2 days. Starting that day I decided if I played dumb it would be easier. The thing is that now when I try to prove I'm smart, nobody believes me. Now, I can't bring myself to finish work because I'm afraid of people knowing what I can do. I'm so frustrated and confused. It's like I know I'm smart but other people don't and the people who do know still question me the same way they used to. So I guess there really is no winning. Or going back. Playing dumb is hard work.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Taking a Break from the Recovery Challenge

Hi all! So I'm really sorry but I'm going to take a break from the 30 day challenge. It kind of took all the fun out of blogging. It made it into more of a chore and that's no good. I will continue blogging however!

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Monday, February 18, 2013

The Bpdy Peace Treaty


Sign the Body Peace Treaty!
  • NEW! Do the little things that will keep my body healthy, like walking instead of hanging on the couch, or drinking water rather than something sugary.
  • NEW! Appreciate what makes my body different from anyone else's. I love that I'm unique on the inside, I will try to feel that way about the outside too!
  • NEW! Wear makeup only when I want to and it feels fun. I won't use it to hide the real me!
  • NEW! Accept that my body will go through changes, and that's okay.
  • NEW! Support my friends, who just like me, have their own body issues. Hey, we're all in this together!
  • NEW! Put my energy toward the things in life I care about instead of wasting another ounce of it on my insecurities.
  • Remember that the sun will still rise tomorrow even if I had one too many slices of pizza or an extra scoop of ice cream tonight.
  • Never blame my body for the bad day I'm having.
  • Stop joining in when my friends compare and trash their own bodies.
  • Never allow a dirty look from someone else to influence how I feel about my appearance.
  • Quit judging a person solely by how his or her body looks — even if it seems harmless — because I'd never want anyone to do that to me.
  • Notice all the amazing things my body is doing for me every moment I walk, talk, think, breathe...
  • Quiet that negative little voice in my head when it starts to say mean things about my body that I'd never tolerate anyone else saying about me.
  • Remind myself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV and in ads — it takes a lot of airbrushing, dieting, money, and work to look like that.
  • Remember that even the girl who I'd swap bodies with in a minute has something about her looks that she hates.
  • Respect my body by feeding it well, working up a sweat when it needs it, and knowing when to give it a break.
  • Realize that the mirror can reflect only what's on the surface of me, not who I am inside.
  • Know that I'm already beautiful just the way I am.
  • Not let my size define me. It’s far better to focus on how awesome I look in my jeans than the number on the tag.
  • Surround myself with positive people. True friends are there to lift me up when I’m feeling low and won't bring me down with criticism, body bashing, or gossip.
  • Accept the changes that my body is going through. I will celebrate my new shape and curves. I will rock what I've got!
  • Remember that sometimes I will have down moments. And in those times, I will remind myself of how awesome I am by looking in the mirror and saying, "I'm good! I can do this! I'm number one!"
  • Accept that beauty isn't just about my looks. It's my awesome personality and my energy that creates a whole, unique package

The above is seventeen magazine's Body Peace Treaty. I signed. Will you?

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Asking For Help

“The best advice I can give to anyone going through a rough patch is to never be afraid to ask for help.” - Demi Lovato


Asking for help is possibly the hardest thing to do. At least in your head. But is it really? Is it harder than starving? Harder than purging? Harder than the secrecy? At first thought, yes it is. But the more I read Demi's quote, the more I think that maybe asking for help isn't the worst thing I could do. It won't kill me. It might get me more help or it might leave me where I am. But it won't me more than I already have. I can think of a million reasons to not ask for help. I have used them all. Yet, every time I relapse, I question why I struggle. Every time it is pointed out that it's because I am so adamant about going at it on my own. I don't like bothering people. I don't feel worth it. I feel like I should be able to do this on my own. But I can't. Neither can you. I may not directly ask for help anytime soon, but I know I will need to eventually. 

How have you tried to ask for help?

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Things I've Learned in Recovery So Far...


  • Ice cream tastes better than frozen yogurt
  • Donuts are yummy and don't cause automatic weight gain
  • Hot chocolate is so much better with milk than water
  • Popcorn is awesome for movies
  • You can eat and sit at the same time
  • Eating with friends is better than being alone
  • Flavored coffee is SOOOOO much better than black
  • Black coffee is disgusting
  • You can have your cake and eat it tooo

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Day 17!! (I've been waiting for this one)

17. What does being fat TRULY mean to you?

Being fat is my biggest fear. Having things jiggle and not having pants fit right. It tells me that I've lost all control. That I can never be perfect. I let myself get bigger and bigger till buttons burst. My bones are non-existent. I should be able to handle myself better. I got lazy. I should have tried harder. Eaten less. Anything. Fat is evil. It shows how ugly I am on the inside. That my heart is no better than the rolls of fat on the outside. I could have done more. But instead I ate and gained weight. I don't deserve anything.

The Following is an excerpt from the book I'm writing (It fits here) :

Waking up is awful, moving is worse, getting ready is torture, looking in the mirror is killer. I sleep from 1:30 A.M. till 6:00 A.M., and it runs you down. But it is so so worth it. From 11:00 P.M.- 1:30 A.M. I exercise, no stopping, no short little breaks, no nothing. I don't deserve to stop, I went over my allowed calorie amount yesterday. All I could think about were the calories seeping into my body adding more fat to the abundance that was already on my body. I am sore from last night but I've learned to hide it well over the past six months or so. You just put on some loose fitting clothes and put a smile on your face, nobody's the wiser. Ok, just walk to the bathroom, you can do it. Better yet lunge your way to the bathroom, couldn't hurt to burn some calories. That's good cry and lunge seeing as you deserve to suffer. Do you want me to leave you and let you be fatter than you already are. Let everybody hate you and see how disgusting you are. No, I don't want that. I need to lose weight and be the skinniest person. 


Stay Strong
xo Aria


Day 16!

16. How would you help a close friend or family member if they developed an eating disorder?

Ironically, I have a lot of friends with eating disorders. I have figured out that the best way to help them is to validate their feelings. Make it known that their feelings matter and are understood. There is nothing worse than feeling like your emotions don't count.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Day 15! (My Therapist has been waiting for this)

15. Post a picture of yourself before you ever developed an eating disorder. What emotions were you feeling in this picture?





I remember this day, I remember it so well. The man holding me is my late grandfather. He is possibly the most influential person in my life. I remember being so happy on this day. Just full of excitement and happiness.Nothing could have bothered me. It was perfect. I was just happy.


Happy belated birthday Poppy. I miss you.

You Used To Call Me Your Angel
Said I Was I Sent Straight Down From Heaven
You'd Hold Me Close In Your Arms
I Loved The Way You Felt So Strong
I Never Wanted You To Leave
I Wanted You To Stay Here Holding Me

I Miss You
I Miss Your Smile
And I Still Shed A Tear
Every Once In A While
And Even Though It's Different Now
You're Still Here Somehow
My Heart Won't Let You Go
And I Need You To Know
That I Miss You

- I Miss you by Miley Cyrus

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Day 14 (yes, I know it's late!)

14. How do your friends and family feel about your eating disorder?


As much as I would like to say that it doesn't do anything to them, that's a lie. I know that they hate it and feel like it has changed who I am. I know that they view it as one of their greatest enemies. I know they can't see the good in it. I don't know how they feel exactly, but I know that's how I feel about my friends' eating disorders.


Stay Strong
xo Aria

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Day 13 (this is my fave)

12. Do you believe you can ever fully recover from an eating disorder? Explain.


Yes. Absolutely. There is no reason why you can't. You weren't born with an eating disorder and you don't have to die with one. If you put in the work and want it, I completely believe you can recover.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

What Are You Holding Onto (from Jenni Schaefer's book "goodbye ed, hello me"

"We are only as sick as our secrets"


It's time for me to share some truths about myself.

1. I chew gum compulsively
2. I drink diet soda compulsively

I don't tend to share things on this blog but I want you all to know that I'm not recovered and I'm not perfect. I still act on behaviors all the time and there are certain things I don't think I will quit soon. I'm struggling too.

Stay Strong
xo Aria



Day 12

This one just calls for a picture of one thing you ate...

Monday, February 11, 2013

Lucky Day 11 (this took me forever)

11. List 10 PHYSICAL things you like about yourself.

  1.  My eyes change color
  2. I'm really flexible
  3. I have really small hands
  4. My hair can hold straight or curly
  5. My collarbone shows
  6. my stomach is mostly flat
  7. I have strong legs
  8. I have awesome eyebrows
  9. I'm not too short
  10. my hip bones protrude


Sunday, February 10, 2013

Day 10!

10. Has anybody in your family ever had an eating disorder? If so, do you think this contributed to you developing one?

As far as I know, nobody in my family has ever had an actual eating disorder. Members of family are chronic dieters however. In a way I think this contributed just because it showed me how important controlling your weight and appearance is.

Sorry this was short!!

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Boston Market Birthday Lunch




So today is my 17th birthday!! When I was younger, every year for my birthday I got Boston Market. In recent years I haven't even been doing a true birthday meal because of my ed. So this was a BIG challenge. I went with my best friend, parents, and my younger sister. we walked in, ordered and sat down to eat. My thoughts were spinning the whole time, as I don't know these calories. (I haven't looked them either!). But I did eat it and it was so YUMMY! I had an amazing lunch and got to celebrate my special day with some of my favorite people. I'm still scared of the calories that are sitting in me, but I refuse to let food ruin my day. After all, it only happens once a year.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Competition

People are very competitive by nature. But throw an eating disorder in and the competition becomes deadly. We must constantly outdo one another. Be skinnier. Eat less. Exercise more. Be sick longer. The list never ends and neither does the competition. I get competitive so easily. The person doesn't even have to have an eating disorder. They just have to some trait that I want. The only problem is that this competition never ends until we die. The only "successful" anorexics are dead. Maybe the competition shouldn't be focused on being sicker longer. It doesn't show strength, it shows how well you can kill yourself before somebody else. So maybe I am a failed anorexic, but I can never meet a successful one. There aren't any. It's the literal Hunger Games. How long can you stay alive when your end post is either being dead or almost dead. There's no true winning in having an eating disorder.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Day 9

9. Create a list of all the negative things your eating disorder has given you.

This list could go on for pages but for the sake of time, I will condense it.


  • Constant dehydration
  • hair loss
  • loss of friends
  •  Lack of People's trust
  • time loss
  • Chronic dizziness
  • self-hatred
  • lower grades
My eating disorder has taken so so much from me. Many things I may never get back. That's the worst part.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Friday, February 8, 2013

Shabbat Dinner

For those of you who are unaware, Friday night through Saturday night is Shabbat. On Friday nights you have a nice dinner and say prayers and the whole nine yards. Tonight I had the oppurtunity to celebrate Shabbat with a three year old and a one year old. Below, I am going to give tonight's dinner from my perspective and then each of their perspectives. Ready? Here we go.


ED perspective: This is a lot of food. I don't know how I am going to make it through this. What if I eat more than somebody else. What if they think I am fat? How am I gong to get rid of these calories. Is this even ok? How many calories is this? Is this healthy enough? Are they watching me? Oh my gosh I am going to gain so much weight. I shouldn't be eating this. I am so stupid. Why do I let myself eat? I don't deserve this food. I ate so much already today. I hate this. I hate myself. I want to cry. I wonder what they think of me. Am I eating too fast? What if I can't do this? What if they think I'm weird. I am crazy. Food is evil. I am putting evil things in myself.


Three year old perspective: This chicken is yummy. I don't want vegetables, those are icky. Oh wait no I do want vegetables. I wonder what is for dessert. I hope it's brownies. When do I get a brownie? Can I have more bread and rice? I want gravy for my chicken. I want some strawberries too. I REALLY want a brownie. This is sooo yummy. Can I play now? I want to sit on their laps. We should listen to music! I want my airplane. Oh! BROWNIES.


One year old perspective: These people are crazy. Give me food. Hold me.


As you can see there is a distinct difference in how an ED changes your thoughts during meals. It's actually scary. Maybe if we thought more like three year olds, life would be better.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Reasons

There will ALWAYS be a reason to act on your eating disorder. There will ALWAYS be a reason to put off recovery for a day. The reasons are endless. It could be that you're not actually sick or that you had a really stressful day. Anything will work. But what if you stopped trying to justify bad behaviors. What if you just went with, I did it because it's what I know. That is a fact, not an excuse. Instead come up with reasons to be healthy. Maybe because you deserve it or because being sick never got you anywhere. Justifying being healthy is harder and so much weirder but it will get you somewhere. You more excuses we use, the farther away from recovery we get. I have hundreds of excuses, used them all, but I am not recovered. I haven't stopped using them. I have yet to actually responsibility for acting on behaviors. It isn't easy. But neither is keeping an eating disorder. If I put that much effort into recovery, I would be so much better off. But I keep wasting time coming up with excuses to starve. We need reasons to eat and live. Those reasons are so much more important.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Day 8 (this one will be short)

8. List all the positive things your eating disorder has given you.



  • Security
  • Numbness
  • Control
  • Praise
  • Weight Loss

That's it. I can't think of any others... Sorry for the short post!

Do you guys have any other positives?

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Pacing (NEW GUEST BLOGGER!!!!)



Pacing (as an intransitive verb)  - walking with often slow or measured tread. It reminds me of the ticking of a clock or the rhythmic beating of a heart at rest. But what would happen if time were to stop or to speed up past the ability to measure? What would happen to the heart?
Take a breath. Hold it. Feel the first rush as you deny the urge to exhale and breathe again. What if you could stay in this moment? The seconds stretch out like hours. Feel the tug in your lungs as they begin to fight against your closed mouth and nose. How much longer can you deny the need for air? Small bursts of light dart in front of your eyes and the room starts to spin. Every cell in your body is screaming. Finally the pain is too great, the victory too small and you have to breathe. At this moment there is no question of pacing just a ragged, messy gasp for survival.
What if that breath was a secret? How long could you hold it?
 By: Judy 

Stay Strong
xo Aria


P.S. I LOVE GUEST BLOGGERS

Welcome to Your Life


Welcome. We have been expecting you. Just sit down and let your dreams fade away. You won't need them here. Not where we all are. Here all you need is a few tools. An area to exercise, a calorie counting book, and lots of excuses. You are safe here. No eating is necessary, no dealing with life. But before you get to be part of our group, let me fill you in on what you are in for. Weight loss, excitement, relief, hunger pains, dehydration, heart problems, fainting, your hair falling out, treatment stays, shaking, worrying people, being force fed, never feeling good enough, no sleep, and possibly a slow painful death. Now that we have set those things in place, are you ready? You will happily be taken under our wings but we will constantly thrive to outdo you. Welcome to the most competitive place on Earth. The world of Eating Disorders. Are you coming?

Would you go?


Stay Strong
xo Aria

Looking For Accountability

Hi Guys! So, my dietitian is going on maternity leave next week and I need some accountability to challenge myself. I am a HUGE fan of The Kissy Project (link below) and one thing that Kissy did was create a recovery checklist. I am going to post mine below and every time I finish one I will write a post. I would love for someone to join me and make their own. I will post your review!!

My Recovery Checklist


  1. Eat McDonalds
  2. Go out for Ice Cream (not frozen yogurt)
  3. Drink regular Coke
  4. Eat a whole serving of pasta
  5. Eat popcorn in a movie theatre
  6. Try eggs again (they are a more recent fear)
  7. Bake cookies and EAT them
  8. Smoothies (I used to LOVE them)
  9. Birthday Dinner at Boston Market
  10. A full day of Meal Plan
I really hope you will make your own and join me!!!

Stay Strong 
xo Aria

http://thekissyproject.com/

Day 7! I can't believe it's already been one week!

7. Do you think the media contributes to the growing amount of girls developing eating disorders younger and younger?


   I will admit that the media can exacerbate eating disorders and people being unhappy with their bodies. I don't personally believe that the media has as big of an influence on people as we seem to believe. The media plays off of societal ideals and the major insecurities of society. If we didn't want to see these images, they wouldn't put them out there. We can't blame the media anymore than we blame ourselves. Yes the media makes these images more acceptable and more widespread but we choose to live in this culture and choose to not change it. I am aware this sounds harsh and I am sorry for that. I do believe it is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the end of it.


Stay Strong
xo Aria


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Dear Demi

Dear Demi,
You have saved my life more times than I can count. Your music has gotten me through so much and I watch STay Strong on really hard days. It's because of you that I decided to get help. I'm still working on believing I deserve recovery but like you said it's the hardest part. You taught me that I'm worth more than harming myself and that relapse isn't the end of the world. I learned that asking for help doesn't show weakness but strength. You saved me and I can't thank you enough.

Stay Strong
Xo aria



Hunger Cues

That gnawing in your stomach or grumbly feeling, those hunger cues. Hunger annoys me to no end. I used to thrive off of it. Now it makes me want to cry. But why should it? Hunger is a normal human feeling. It is there to let us know that our body needs food before we crash. Yet so many of us ignore it. I just don't understand how something so vital turned into something so evil. Writing this I am hungry and trying to ignore it. But why? What is stopping me from simply getting up and getting food? A while ago I figured out that it's not that I don't want the food, it's that I simply don't trust my body. I don't trust to have food in it and not gain weight. I don't feel that it can be trusted. I feel that it is something to be scared and wary of. Of course to some people this seems completely irrational but think. If someone did something that you found hurt in, you would lose trust. Well, in my head my body has betrayed me in the past, so I don't trust it. I have to control it or I get scared. Following hunger cues is giving your body some trust back. It isn't easy, it's actually really hard. But if we don't come to accept certain things and only try and fight it, we will never be happy with ourselves. With all that said, I think it's time to accept that our bodies know what they need and will even out. They deserve more respect and trust than they are given.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Day 6 (of course we must talk about food)

6. What was your favorite meal before your ED? What is your favorite meal now?

This is a really hard one for me. I've had an ED or at least food issues for as long as I can remember. So this took a lot of thinking. The first thing I ever cut out was fast food and I used to love it.

So my favorite meal before my ED was definitely chicken nuggets and french fries and a frosty from Wendy's. Not healthy I know, but super yummy. Especially to an elementary schooler. I can't even remember the last time I had it. Probably around age 9...I'm almost 17.

My favorite meal now.....would have to a turkey sandwich with just mustard. That sounds so boring writing it. But I eat it all the time so it must be my favorite.

How have your favorite meals changed? And why do you think they changed?

Let me know!

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Things I Believe In


I believe in magic
I believe there is good in everybody
I believe innocence is beautiful
I believe in true love
I believe that childhood is the best part of life
I believe growing up is overrated
I believe family and friends make life amazing
I believe laughter is the best medicine
I believe happiness and confidence makes a person beautiful
I believe fashion is wonderful and style is a choice
I believe a persons real job is to make sure they are happy
I believe performing is completely and utterly freeing
I believe self expression is amazing
I believe is life is wonderful and should be lived


what do you believe in?

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Day 5!

5. What actions do you believe could be taken in the future to help your child(ren) or close friends from ever developing an eating disorder?


I'm not quite sure that there are specific actions that can be taken. I think for eating disorder rates to go down, society as a whole has to change. Not the media per say. But general society. We have to stop shaming people for their bodies and change our relationships with food. One action can start that chain of reactions but there is nothing specific that will stop those closest to me from developing them. I can only hope that after seeing my suffering, they won't attempt it.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Prisoner of the Mind

Somebody please post bail
Somebody please help me escape
My mind is a jail cell
I am in here for life
I committed no crime
Other than trying to be a person
Is that so bad?
Do others feel the same?
Or am I all alone?
I am a prisoner of my mind
And there is no key
Except to run
Run fast and don't look back
That's how you get out of prison.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Hometown Pride


I'm not a football fan. But I am from Maryland and the Ravens did just win the Superbowl. For the most part I don't care about the game but I am awfully proud of the playesr and proud to be a Marylander right now. There is something about a group of people coming together to celebrate a common goal that is so invigorating. That hometown pride that right now is filling most Maryland homes is incredible. People who are Ravens fans and people who aren't, all coming together to say that their team won. It's not often that it happens, but it's magical when it does. To know that an entire state has come together to support a small group of people. Pride is something that so many people fear to lose, including myself. To have pride in oneself is so important. In times like these when my pride is wavering, it's so nice to be able to have pride in something else. It lifts us up on a cloud where there is less hatred in our world. For a little while, we are the champions. We have hometown pride. We can conquer anything.


Stay Strong
xo Aria

Oh My Goodness I forgot to to do DAY 4!!

I am so sorry that I didn't post yesterday! I was so busy working on the next post! Anyway here is Day 4!!

4. What are factors that contributed to your want to recover?

A lot of factors played into my want to recover. A major thing for me was realizing that I was gaining friends that only wanted me for weight loss help, and that really hurt. Another thing wasn't a thing but a person. My dietitian has had the biggest impact on me. Her words of wisdom and kindness and knowing she's behind me every step of the way, has been the most influential part of my recovery so far. The final factor that I can think of is seeing the medical problems EDs can cause and knowing I did not want to deal with them.


Bobbi, If you read this, I want you to know that as much as I slip and fall and tell you that I hate you, your help means everything to me and you are the best thing that has happened to me on this journey. Thank you.

Stay Strong,
xo Aria

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Day 3! This one was hard!!

3. List 10 NON physical things you like about yourself.


 1. I'm good at performing
 2. I'm a loyal friend
  3. I love helping people
4. I'm able to take care of myself
5. I can act like a 5 year old
6. I believe in true love
7. I will go to the end of the earth to make someone smile
8. I stick to my beliefs
9. I know my limits and refuse to accept them
10. I crave adventure

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Day 2!

2. What does recovery mean to YOU?


That is a very good question.... actually I was just thinking about this. To me, recovery has nothing to do with weight or food. Recovery should be about those things no longer being your highest priorities. Recovery is being bale to just have fun and go out and eat. There's nothing holding you back from life. You know longer associate yourself with the disorder. You are your own person. Recovery is being able to have confidence in yourself. It's your self-worth not being tied to a number. Recovery is knowing you are more than what you just fed yourself. It's no longer getting a thrill from knowing you didn't eat all day.

Stay Strong
xo Aria


PS: What is recovery to YOU?? please comment

Friday, February 1, 2013

Day 1!!

1. List your stats (height/weight). What eating disorder are/ have you struggled with?

Height : 5'4"

HW: 130
 LW: 106

CW: approx 110 (I don't weigh myself)

I struggle with anorexia but am diagnosed with EDNOS because I never lost my period. All my behaviors are strictly anorexic.


Please do not use my LW as a goal!! It was totally unhealthy and required starving to get there.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

30 Day Recovery Challenge

I have decided to do the 30 Day Recovery Challenge. For those of you who don't know what this is, it is thirty questions pertaining to your eating disorder and recovery. You answer one everyday. I will post the full list below and start in a new post! I am so excited to be doing this! If anyone would like to join me, just comment!

Stay Strong
xo Aria

1. List your stats (height/weight). What eating disorder are/have you struggled with?
2. What does recovery mean to YOU?
3. List ten NON physical things you like about yourself.
4. What are factors that contributed to your choice to recover?
5. What actions do you believe could be taken in the future to help your child(ren) or close friends from ever developing an eating disorder?
6. What was your favorite meal before your ED? What is your favorite meal now?
7. Do you think the media contributes to the growing rate of girls developing eating disorders younger and younger?
8. Create a list of all the positive things your eating disorder has given you.
9. Create a list of all the negative things your eating disorder has given you.
10. Does anybody in your close family have an eating disorder? If so, do you think it had an impact on you developing one?
11. List 10 PHYSICAL features you like about yourself.
12. Post a picture of one thing you ate today.
13.Do you believe you can ever fully recover from an eating disorder? Explain.
14. How do your friends and family feel about your eating disorder?
15. Post a picture of you before you ever developed an eating disorder. What emotions were you feelings in this picture?
16.How would you help a close friend or family member if they developed an eating disorder?
17. What does being fat TRULY mean to you?
18. Here's a challenge. Come up with a hobby you've never done or haven't done in a while that has NOTHING to do with eating or exercising or cooking. Totally non eating disorder related. What is your hobby? How did you choose it?
19. Has your eating disorder ever held you back from something? If so , explain.
20.I feel eating disorders have somehow been glamorized. Explain your opinion on this.
21. Who has been the biggest contributor of your recovery in your life? Explain.
22. Describe your goals for your future.
23. List two positive things that happened to you today.
24. Where were you, in terms of your eating disorder, six months ago? Describe how you've changed.
25. What are your fear foods? I CHALLENGE you to eat one today.
26. Eating disorders often come hand in hand with social anxiety and/or depression. Start one conversation today with someone you don't normally talk to, How'd it go?
27.Write a letter to your eating disorder.
28. What do you need to improve on in order to advance mentally and/or physically towards recovery? Explain.
29. Challenge yourself again in some way today. Whether it be being more social, eating more, eating another fear food, etc. Explain.
30. List your stats again. Did this help you at all?