Tattling on Ed

Today was the first time I tattled on Ed. I had every intention of skipping lunch and easily could have done so. But something in my head just wouldn't let me get away with it. So, I did the best I could to let someone know that I needed to eat and that I needed their help to do so. I was afraid they would be mad since I told them that I had already eaten. But they weren't . They got up and got me the healthiest lunch I've had in weeks.Yes, I do feel guilty. Incredibly so. But in a way I am okay with it for now. Tattling feels so wrong and stupid. Like I shouldn't need to concern other people when it comes to food. The thing is though, what if I had passed out? I only eat a Luna Bar for breakfast. It''s totally a possibility. Not to mention that my heart felt funny earlier. So, I guess I made the right decision. The person may have lost some trust in me, but I lost some trust in ed. Win-lose situation. All moving me closer to recovery. One meal at a time.One bite at a time.

When I call this tattling on ed, some people ask me why I phrase as if ed is a child that has done me wrong. Well, that's basically what an ed is. It's a whiny little kid that throws fits when it loses out. SO, it should be treated like one. I will admit that tattling on your ed is never as satisfying as normal tattling is. But at least this way can get you somewhere. I've found recovery to be one step forward two steps back. Therefore, to be honest, I did attempt to purge after eating lunch. Nothing came up. I felt worse about that than I did eating. My head and heart still haven't calmed down. Tattling on ed today, might have been one of my better decisions. Ed is tricky. Watch out.

When did you last tattle on Ed? How did it make you feel?

Stay Strong
xo Aria