Wanting to recover

Anybody who really knows me knows that I'm terrified of recovery. I want it. But I'm terrified. The question was posed to me today, what does it mean to want recovery? Does it mean to eat everything and be perfect? No. Does it mean I want a perfect life? No. I want freedom. I go to therapy. I listen to what others have to say. I try to follow my meal plan. I do what I can sometimes. Other times I fall down and don't think I can get back up. But I do. Because I want recovery. I want life. Id imagine that right now you are thinking that you don't want recovery. Or if you do, that you don't know if you can make it. I don't know either. Maybe I won't. But I'd rather know I tried. I don't want to die knowing that I laid now and let this thing beat me up. I want to know I lived, if only for a little bit. I struggle a lot with wanting recovery. Some days it's 80% and most days it's closer to 20% but I know that of I fight I might make it to the other side. Hopefully it's worth it. What does wanting recovery mean to you?

Stay Strong
xo Aria