For the first time in years, I can call myself a training gymnast again. I get to go and stretch and do cartwheels and work out in my most favorite place on Earth. The gym. Not a gym with machines and scales, but one with trampolines and tumbling tracks and no air conditioning. There are fewer things in life that have made me happier than being back in there. I get to exercise and yes it feels like exercise...but it isn't to lose weight or as punishment. It's because I love it. I've actually gained weight since starting. And I've gained strength. I can do an hour of working out without feeling like I am constantly going to pass out. I can walk around a gym in spandex and a sports bra and not care. The gym is my home. Am I the skinniest one there? No. Am I the most advanced one? Heck no. But I don't have to be. As long as I am progressing and having fun...who cares? I could give you list of 100 reasons why I love gymnastics. And any professional could probably give me a list of why combining an eating disorder with gymnastics is a bad idea. I can tell you right now, it's the best thing to ever happen in my recovery journey. Better than controlling my food, better than weight loss, better than pretty much anything. Do I workout everyday? Yes. I condition everyday. IS it for calorie burning? No, I make up the calories. I condition so that my body gets stronger so I can get more advanced at the sport I love. There is nothing like running down a tumbling track to do a cartwheel and then a one-handed cartwheel right after and knowing you can hold yourself up. Two weeks ago I couldn't hold a handstand. Last week, I did. It's in those moments that my body image slips away. You have to focus and you have to be in love with the act. Or you will fall and you will hurt yourself. I know from experience. Yes, I did just right a post about a sport known to breed eating disorders....but maybe it can a sport that helps get rid of them too. It didn't cause mine but it sure is making it better. I challenge each of you to find your passion. You'll know when you find it. Your eyes will light up and everything else will fall away. Try anything and everything. Give yourself something to fight for. I promise it will be worth it.
Last night, a friend of mine texted me complaining about how she used to be great at fitness but now that she has gained weight, she can't do it or sucks at it...something along that line. I had a response for her that everyone reading this needs to read. SO here it is...
" Look. The last seven years of my life have been spent trying to become skinny. And be the skinniest I could. Don't get me wrong, I would still love that. But you know what feels better? Being able to say "I just gained weight" but not only weight " I gained muscle and strength and feel amazing". Does it still mess with my head, heck yes. But I am going to be in shape for the first time in years and be happy and that means more to me than be skinnier than the girls surrounding me. Fitness and health have nothing to do with weight. I'm healthier right now than I was two months ago at a lower weight. You can weigh whatever number and be in shape and exercise and live. I believe it. I know it. And that hope is what keeps me going."
I may not always see the light...but when I do, it rocks. And Flipping helps me get there.
What's your passion?
Stay Strong
xo Aria
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