Well Hello July

Yes I know it's July 3rd not the first but whatever. Today has just been really rough. I'm starting to have a harder time eating but I'm not allowed to struggle because my family and treatment team made me sign a contract that basically says " you gain weight or you get grounded". I feel so trapped and punished. Like my recovery has to be perfect. It's really upsetting. And almost makes me not want to recover. Because even if I try but the scale doesn't go up I'm still banned from life for a week. Explain that to me please. If I'm not supposed to be black and white then why is my weight gain and life. I thought my happiness isn't supposed to be tied to a number? But it is. And not only by me. But externally too. I just can't take it anymore. I want to get better and have fun but I'm not allowed too if the scale says so. Wow my family and treatment team have turned into my eating disorder in reverse. That's just fantastic.

Anybody else have a similar issue?

Stay Strong

xo Aria