I don't typically personify my eating disorder. But if I were too then that poem kind of sums it up. Right now I'm in between being scared of "her" and hating "her". I know I should hate her and not fear because she is me. But she's the part that I can't always control. She's the part that makes starving my natural instinct. And that scares me. That's right I'm scared. As angry as I act toward my team and myself... I'm just scared. And everyone is telling me to get angry and hate Ana but I can't. She scares me too much. And part of me still considers her a friend. So basically I'm everywhere. But she hasn't killed me yet. And I don't plan on letting her. But let's be real. Ana scares me. I'm scared of myself.
Where do you fall in the poem?
Stay Strong
xo Aria
I actually cried as I read this. For the last two years or so, Anorexia-Nervosa has ravaged my body.... my mind, my spirit.... my brain - everything. I am 5ft 6in tall & won't post my weight, other than to say it is in the double digits - my Dad's dogs weigh more than I do - both of them. This time last year, I was lying on the threshold of death. I could barely move without hurting, I self-multilated. In late February, after encouragement from my doctor sought treatment - I went to the hospital of my own free will and accord. It was one of the best, bravest and liberating choices I have ever made. I still struggle,I still get terrified, sometimes, so much so that I can't eat alone. However, I refuse to let my enemies ED (eating disorder) and Ana defeat me..... They are NOT my friends and never were. They are thieves that come to steal, kill, and destroy - and they almost killed. I'm getting more healthy, but my thoughts and attitude about food are slowly changing. My body is slowly healing. This poem perfectly describes what my life has been like pretty much my entire life, especially the last two years.... I may be weak sometimes, I may be emotional.... I am never defeated and I refuse to allow Ana to defeat me. I'm going to use her and my experience to help others, I don't want what happened to me to happen to another. Thank you for this blog. -- Christy_CA
ReplyDeleteChristy, that is so incredible. And please know that I am proud of you and all that you have accomplished and am so glad my blog meant something to you. Please continue to the read the posts past this point and follow my new one as well. I want to help you along your journey to recovery. Stay Strong and feel free to e-mail at loveandbeloved96@yahoo.com. Good Luck! xo Aria
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ReplyDeleteThank you. It's a mountainous, monstrous battle, but I'm trying. Slowly recovering, but it's better than where I was last year. You stay strong too.
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