Fear Foods

For the first time in a few weeks, I took a look at my Fear Foods Checklist and I realized,well, two things. One, I had a few things to cross off (!!!!) and that some of the ones I am still scared of are a little silly. Not saying that I will be able to eat all of them any time soon but some of them...really just make no sense. Actually none of them make sense. Why am I scared? And what am I scared of? I suppose it could be because I seriously don't trust myself or my body. So, feeding it foods that I have avoided for so long is a little terrifying. I don't know how it will respond to them. I don't know if I will all of a sudden gain tons of weight and that's why I refuse to touch them. But I am getting better. The real meaning for this post wasn't to tell you all about the fact that I have fear foods ( little obvious) but to help myself see some light in the darkness that has been the last couple weeks. This relapse has majorly affected my mental state and I just have felt so helpless and like nobody can help me and that I am going to die from this. However, even though my weight may have suffered a little and I haven't been the greatest person...I still managed to get past some major things and that is awesome! And nobody did it for me, yes I was pushed, but ultimately I did it. I did this for myself and I can come back from this. I can save myself. I just need to surrender to the process. I did before and I can again. So, no I am not on the greatest path right now but I can fix that and get myself back, just like how I can eat those things again with a ton less anxiety. I think I got this. I just need a little more hope.

Light in the darkness can be nice.

Stay Strong
xo Aria