Responsibility For Others

Just to start off I need to point out that I don't have my driver's license. So, today I was volunteering at an elementary school and was talking to my old art teacher. Seeing as I am seventeen she asked if I had my license and of course I told her no and I don't know if I plan on getting it. TO which she decided to give me a lecture on why I need my license to be successful in life. Later while trying to figure out why I don't want my license I realized that it's because I don't like the concept of other's lives being in my hands and mine being in theirs. The idea that I could kill someone in a split second all because of accidentally pushing the wrong pedal...terrifies me. I don't want to be responsible for the misfortune of others. I cannot stand that type of guilt. Even when parents tell me I gave their child an eating disorder and I know that it isn't possible, it eats at me forever. Being literally responsible for someones pain doesn't seem worth any cost. I would much rather walk or take public transit than know i could easily kill tons of innocent people.

I wonder if this is why I refuse to get rid of friendships that I know are toxic. Most of those friends have told me that if I fall or leave them or what have you then they won't be able to physically live anymore and I know I cannot live with that on me. I don't even drive or anything and it scares the bejeezus out of  me.

Responsibility for others is not something I can take lightly. And I should probably just accept that part of myself.

Do any of you have similar problems with others? OR even with taking responsibility for yourselves?

Stay Strong
xo Aria